Redefining the role of a modern-day African husband

I remember this day like yesterday and you might have a good laugh but it was not funny! My wife had gone to work and I was left with my 6-month old son. As you would expect, he had done the usual and for the first time, I had to figure out how to change his diaper. My wife made it look so easy and in that moment, I had regretted why I hadn't sat by her side to take some diaper-changing lessons.

How do I make him stay still? How do I not make a mess? How do I secure the diaper? How do I not get this on my hands? Young man hold that wee!!! These were the many thoughts running through my head as I silently wished my wife would walk through the door to save me from this mess. No one told me that this was part of the package.

 Hi. My name is Obi and a little over a year ago, my family and I made this huge decision to relocate to Australia, leaving everything we had built to start all over. It’s been a few months since this interesting experience but at the time, my family and I were just settling in with no help and it was time for my wife to get back into the workforce.

 As you might know, when starting out here in Australia, you are not thrown with replete options. My wife had just broken into the workforce after many rejections, so we had to make this work, somehow. To accommodate her new job, I had to pull back on my shifts which also meant looking after our little baby while she was at work. Life here in Australia as a dad and husband is very different and I will back-track a little to share my experience hopefully without any judgement from you.

Growing up as a young African kid, I had been taught to work hard so that when I get married, I will be able to provide for my family. In my context, working hard meant graduating from University and finding a decent-paying job and everything else will look after itself. I did just that and life was good. At the time of leaving for Australia, I had a pretty good life. The last thing I had to worry about was domestics as I have a very hands-on wife and we employed a domestic staff so all was good from that end. My personal routine in no particular order was to go to work, go to the gym, play some tennis and hang out with my friends. My role within my home was more of a figure-head as it is in a lot of African families.

 Having this background, you can imagine the shocker I received when I arrived in Australia. Before we arrived, my brother-in-law would always say to me: "Obi, it is very different here and you have to be hands-on" but I did not fully grasp it until it hit me.

 Firstly, I miss my social life back home: the beers, the banter and the occasional late nights. The list goes on. Here in Australia, it is work, home and work again the next day. Oh, I struggled in the first few months to say the least!

Secondly, I miss not having to worry about household chores as they are not my forte. Growing up, we always had external helpers, aunties and uncles living with us so I never really had to do much at home but my reality today is very different. I have to pay closer attention to running the home and so far, it has been a steep learning curve.

 As much as I have had to make the sacrifice, I am happy that I am in an environment where I can genuinely say that my entire family is thriving and it is very apparent that for this to happen, all hands have to be on deck. I have to support my wife in every way possible and do things that traditionally were seen to be the job of the woman. I am also seeing that the roles of a man and woman in a home are no longer clear-cut. The entire financial burden of running our home is not on me and so in turn, I have to support my wife as well. Finally, I must say that there is a lot to unlearn and relearn and I have to be open to this change. As the saying goes, "Happy wife, happy home". Wish me luck hahaha.

 

Cheers

Obi.

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